Of Pancakes and Syrup
by Death Goddess Assassin
Summary: Neal has FINALLY made the perfect pancakes. But what's this? No syrup? Kel and Neal are wacko, Cleon is the only sane one, Numair is evil, and Lady-kitty makes a guest appearance! COMPLETE
1. The Perfect Pancakes

~*The Perfect Pancakes*~

"Yes! Oh, yes!" Nealan of Queenscove shouted. "Finally!"

With loving care he placed the plate of hot blueberry pancakes on the table and gazed at them tearfully. _Ha!_ his mind told his father triumphantly as he put a napkin over the pancakes to keep them warm. _I told you I could cook, old man!_

Unfastening the apron that said _Homemakers Unite!_ in pink on the front from around his waist, Neal tossed it on the back of his chair and sashayed toward the kitchen drawers to withdraw his silverware. 

_On second thought, better I get out the good china_.

Humming cheerfully, Neal opened the cabinet and took out some fragile looking eating utensils and placed them on he table. He then proceeded to pluck several flowers off a bush outside his window, dropping them in a water-filled vase, and placed the vase in the center of the table. Still unsatisfied, he felt around in another drawer and pulled out a placemat. On it was a picture of two nude blondes sitting on a log in a swamp. 

"Perfect," Neal cooed.

He put the placemat on the table with exaggerated care, and then sat down in the chair. He painstakingly spread equal amounts butter on each of the pancakes and watched with rapt fascination the way it sizzled very quietly and melted against the delicious, crispy, bread. 

_I did it all by myself_, he thought happily. _After weeks of burning and undercooking_—__

_And making Kel eat them_, a nasty voice added—

_I finally made the perfect pancakes_.

Neal sighed, smiling softly, and reached for the syrup. His hand found empty air. 

"Wha…? But the syrup is always here," he murmured, brown furrowing. 

He gasped. Then that means…

"My syrup has been kidnapped," he screeched.

~*~

**It's kind of a Nealified version of Mixed-Up Love and a Brick Wall. Yes, I will continue. Yes, the chapters will be longer. Hopefully.          **


	2. For The Syrup!

I know you know I know you know I know we all know that Neal is not really the idiot he portrays in this fic. So pretend he is.

**Disclaimer: I own no Tamora Pierce characters.**

**PsychoLioness13, FlamingKnight, Kassi of Pirate's Swoop: You guys are my favorite reviewers, among three others who don't seem to be reviewing this story -_- Did you know that? I just love you guys so much! *tear* But anyways…hi.**

~*For The Syrup!*~

When Neal burst in Keladry of Mindelan's room she sincerely thought something was wrong. As it turns out, there was something wrong.

With Neal's head. 

"Oh, it's awful," Neal sobbed into his best friend's comforting shoulder. "It was there one minute and then—_poof_—gone the next."

"There, there," Kel murmured sympathetically. For the time being she was succeeding in keeping her laughing fit at bay. If Neal got any more sillier (if that's even possible), however, she would not be able to hold it back. "You can borrow my syrup."

Neal wiped his eyes and looked up hopefully at her with his emerald eyes. "Really?"

"Yes, really," she said, getting up and moving toward the kitchen. 

Kel opened her cabinet and looked on the left of the top shelf, where the syrup should be. 

It was not there.

She screamed and started running around in circles. Neal hurried in and stared at her wide-eyed.

"What's wrong?" he cried.

"Oh, Neal," she bawled, putting a mushroom down her shirt in an attempt to stop her agony. "My syrup—it's gone too!"

"What?!" he wailed. "Oh no! Then what's going to happen to all my pancakes? To all my hard work?"

In his overwhelming grief he grabbed a cherry and stuck it up his nose then ran out the door screaming, "Do the dew!"

Cleon of Kennan watched Neal run by then poked his head curiously in Kel's room.

"Er…is he alright?" he asked, concerned. He blinked, seeing Kel jumping on her bed stuffing mushrooms in her clothes. "Are _you_ alright?"

"It's awful, Cleon," she wailed, bouncing off the bed and into the wall. "First, Neal's syrup was stolen…then mine was!"

"Um…yes. That is very awful. But, Kel…why don't you just eat the pancakes _without_ the syrup?" (A/N: I have FlamingKnight for that little dialogue thingy.) 

Kel stopped crying abruptly. "Yes…yes, I see where you're going. Wow Cleon! You're so smart!"

Cleon watched Kel bounce out of the door with raised eyebrows. "You know, they really should get together," he said to no one in particular. "They're both idiots."

~*~

"Neal!"

Neal turned around and spotted Kel. "Hi," he said sadly.

"You'll never guess what," she gushed enthusiastically.

"You found the syrup?" he squealed excitedly.

She shook her head, and his face fell. "But I have a good idea. Why don't we just eat the pancakes _without_ the syrup?"

For a brief moment Neal's eyes lit up; then a shadow passed over his face and he muttered darkly, "No…we can't do that. That's what the syrup-nappers want you to do. Forget all about the syrup…go on your merry little way. That's what they want you to do. Then, when they're sure you don't care anymore, they'll do unmentionable horrors to the syrup…like put it on ham."

Kel drew in a deep shuddering breath. "Yes, I see your point," she murmured fearfully. "Oh, Neal, what are we going to do?" She began to cry. "I want my syrup back!"

Understandingly Neal hugged her. "I know, I know…we'll have to be strong, okay? For the syrup!" He punched the air.

Kel wiped the last tear from her face and punched the air. "For the syrup!"

~*~

"'The Syrup-Napper-Hunters' Secret Headquarters'," Cleon read. The door opened and Neal peered out.

"Sssssshh!" he hissed. "You'll give away our Headquarters!" 

"Um…oops. I guess." _Imbeciles_.

"Thank you!"

He slammed the door shut. The sign on which those ridiculous words were printed on clattered to the floor from its spot on the door. Cleon blinked then walked away. 

_That's it. I'm moving to Scanra_.

~*~****

**Shorter than I would've liked, and that last scene was kind of pointless, but…eh. Who cares? I posted it.**     


	3. Mystery Solved, Thanks To The SyrupNappe...

> **This chappie is dedicated to Lady-Kitty. You wanted to be in it…so here ya go!**
> 
> - - - - -
> 
> Mystery Solved, Thanks To The Syrup-Napper-Hunters' Club
> 
> Neal put his finger up against his lips as a signal for quiet then quietly parted the bushes and crawled through them. He crept nearer and nearer to the path, then, as his prey came closer, he crouched into a hunter's position and…
> 
> "AYEEEE!!"
> 
> The ear-piercing battle cry was all the warning Cleon had before something big, fat, and hairy leaped on him. He shrieked, and kept shrieking until a familiar voice came from the gorilla.
> 
> "Got you now, syrup-napper," snapped Neal's voice from the gorilla.
> 
> Furious, irritated, and more than a little embarrassed, Cleon grabbed the gorilla's head and yanked it, hard. It came off with a small _pop_ and there was Neal, mussed brown hair and angry green eyes.
> 
> "Neal," Cleon groaned. "How many times must I tell you? _I did not steal your stupid syrup_!"
> 
> "We don't know that for sure," Neal pointed out, eyes narrowing suspiciously.
> 
> "Damn it, today you've attacked me with rose petals, pelted cheese doodles at me, tossed me in a cage marked 'Man-Eating Ostriches', stuck my head in a bucket filled with lime juice, braided my hair and put little pink bows in it while dressing me in a tutu, hung me upside down from a ceiling fan that was turned _on_, forced me to get my eyebrow pierced, forced me to get my bellybutton pierced, bleached one eyebrow blond and the other purple, drew rainbows on my forehead, tied me inches away from the surface of a pond filled with starving piranhas, made me sit on a nest of hatching crocodiles, tattooed 'I love to freak cheese' on my ass, made me eat weeds, and made me kiss a pig, and I have stuck by the truth, which is that I haven't _touched_ your stupid syrup. I'm _allergic_ to the frickin' stuff! Today has _not_ been a good day."
> 
> "But, but," Neal blustered, "you have to be the syrup-napper!"
> 
> "_WHY_?!"
> 
> "Because…because…nobody else is!"
> 
> "And you know that…how?"
> 
> "We don't know," Kel whined, and burst into tears.
> 
> Cleon grabbed a nearby rock and threw it at her. It bounced off her head and she blinked, tears halting briefly.
> 
> "Now listen, both of you," he said sternly. "You have been acting stupid over syrup since it was…er…_kidnapped_. If you're so worried about it, why don't you just go ask Numair or somebody to help you find it?"
> 
> Neal blinked, then hugged a disgruntled Cleon around his middle. "Oh wow, Cleon! You're such a great friend…you always know what to do!"
> 
> "My hero," Kel cooed dreamily, and threw her arms around him and kissed him.
> 
> _Ah. This brings back certain…memories. Wait a minute…I have a betrothed! Oh shit… _
> 
> __
> 
> "Eh…Kel? Would you mine getting off of me?" 
> 
> Kel opened her eyes and looked into his gray ones, then let out a shrill squeal. "Pervert," she screeched. "Bastard! Disgusting leper!" 
> 
> Neal immediately jumped forward. "What did you do to her, you lech?" 
> 
> "What the fuck?!" Cleon screamed. "She's the one who started working the tongue action first!" 
> 
> "Come on, Kel," Neal huffed, glaring heatedly at Cleon before dragging his best friend away. 
> 
> Extremely and utterly confused, Cleon stomped off. Then, realizing it was the wrong way, stomped back the other way. 
> 
> - - - - -
> 
> Numair cackled and put the tips of his fingers together, grinning evilly. "So…" he said. "You want me to help you find your syrup, do you?" 
> 
> Kel and Neal nodded tearfully. 
> 
> "Hmm," he said, and stared off in space. 
> 
> After several minutes, he nodded and stood up. "Stay here," he ordered. "AND DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!!!!!!!" 
> 
> He walked out. 
> 
> Kel looked around the room nervously. It was small, and dimply lit. On the desk Numair had been sitting at were jars of squishy things. Also on the desk was a huge box, marked "Top Secret—Do Not Disturb". Curious, she reached out and picked it up. 
> 
> "Kel!" Neal hissed. "Don't! It could be something dangerous!" 
> 
> "Like what, deranged caterpillars?" she chuckled. 
> 
> "YES!" 
> 
> "Oh, come on, Neal, don't be such a 'fraidy cat." 
> 
> Neal sighed huffily and crossed his arms, pouting. 
> 
> "Help me," said a voice. 
> 
> They both jumped. 
> 
> "Did you hear that?" he asked. 
> 
> "Yes…it came from the box!" she exclaimed. 
> 
> Kel took out a knife and stuck it in the lock, twisting it. They heard a click, and the box sprang open. 
> 
> "Help!" Inside that box was another, slightly smaller box. On it was a sign that said "Damn It, I Told You Not To Disturb!" 
> 
> She picked that lock. 
> 
> "Stop Disturbing Me!" was the sign on the next one. 
> 
> "If You Touch Me Again, So Help Me" 
> 
> "STOP!" 
> 
> They came to the last box. It was still pretty big, but not as big as the first one. It was marked: "Here Is The Most Secretive Thing That You Will Ever See. If You Have Come This Far Then You Are Incredibly Brave." 
> 
> They took a deep breath and opened it, and inside was… 
> 
> "Our syrup!" Kel and Neal screamed. 
> 
> "About time, you knuckleheads," Neal's syrup grumbled. 
> 
> Numair walked back in. "I'm sorry, but there's no way I can…" He spotted them, gulped, turned into a bat, and flew out the window. Blinded by the sun, he fell into a lake and got strangled by a squid. 
> 
> Neal held the door open for Kel as they entered his room, their syrup tucked lovingly in their arms. When he turned back to the pancakes… 
> 
> "KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 
> 
> Neal's black cat, Lady-kitty, mewed and looked around innocently, her mouth purple from the blueberries. 
> 
> (A/N: That's something I never understood…they're purple. Not blue. Anyone ever notice that?) 
> 
> "BAD KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 
> 
> Lady-kitty hopped off the table, tail straight up, and blinked lazily up at him. 
> 
> "You naughty, naughty kitty," Kel scolded. 
> 
> "LOOK!!!!! There's ONE MORE!!!!!" 
> 
> "We can split it," she decided, petting the pretty kitty's head. 
> 
> "Okay." 
> 
> So they split it and poured their wonderful syrup on it. Neal took a bite. 
> 
> "It's COLD!!" he screamed, bursting into tears. 
> 
> Lady-kitty shook her head and walked out the door. Cleon picked her up and walked back in. 
> 
> "Is everything okay?" he asked, scratching the cat behind her ears. "I heard yelling, and—" 
> 
> "The pancakes are cold," Kel explained. Neal just sobbed. 
> 
> "It's okay, Neal," Cleon said, bewildered. "Just cook some more!" 
> 
> Neal stopped crying. "That's brilliant," he breathed. "Ingenious…" 
> 
> Cleon blinked, watching Neal skip off to the kitchen.
> 
> _You know, I really should consider that whole Scanra idea. Though knowing my luck, he'll probably stalk me or something…You know what? That's _EXACTLY_ what will happen. Damn. Should I go to a witness protection program? No, he'll still probably find me. ARGH!!!_
> 
> "When will the madness stop?!?" he screamed, and jumped out the window, much to the dismay of Lady-kitty, who he was still holding.
> 
> "What's his problem?" Kel asked Neal.
> 
> He shrugged, shaking his head sadly. "He really should get a shrink you know. He's the kind of person that would go insane over missing syrup…"
> 
> "I'm glad we're not that kind of people," she said firmly.
> 
> "Yeah. That's just stu—WHERE'S THE FRYING PAN??? WHO STOLE MY FRYING PAN????? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!"
> 
> **The End**_._** Muaha. **


End file.
